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I am completely washed out. Can hardly keep my eyes open now, and after this, I'm going to have to search for new syf choral pieces for the choir, & then, off to sleep. It's 8.50 now. Tomorrow is Speech Day. I am so so so tired. Really. It is like a marathon.

First there was our concert, then we had little performances here and there, & before we knew it, sessions were back to 3 times a week (and I'm not complaining). Then we had to pull up our socks for supreme court, which really took the life out of me. And during the practices the sec3s had to constantly practice our Speech Day item, again and again and again. And now, tomorrow is speech day. And the choir was practising for our Open house performance since tuesday. And after open house, we got to try out our new syf pieces to see which fits our style, and start preparing for concert. It becomes this never-ending cycle. I love it, but sometimes I just wish I could just rest for a little while. Just a little. Just to catch my breath, just to realise that this is me, this is now.

I don't know what happened today, but after the cle block, I just started getting really tired and zonked out. I couldn't really remember what we did for geog lesson, & Lit presentation was a tough one cos sometimes I would just forget midway what I was talking about lol. And we had another last minute rehearsal for our speech day item, only to be criticized about our costumes, which we were told, didn't really look bright enough on stage. And then we realised that the music couldn't play, so we spent the lunch block recording for nothing. This is a nightmare. I can't wake up. I do realise that I am living in a sadistic circus act gone terribly wrong.

I really admire Sarah Tan's courage to speak out exactly what she feels. Tanneh, you rock, & we all know it.

It's true- We put our heart & soul into what we do, what we sing, what we play, what we dance. We give everything we've got, e v e r y t h i n g. Every moment of free time is spent memorising or practising, my bathroom time is spent chanting songs, before some of us sleep, we practise the little dance moves one more time, we practise smiling in front of the blasted mirror just so we'll look presentable on stage. We sleep, eat, breathe, singing. Why is it that every time, after choir practices, we usually feel totally spent and dead to the world? Do you call this 'intense'? Is that mind gruelling to you? Or do you think the physical aspect is superior to the mental strength?

And you thought it was easy to sing in a choir. If you think singing is something insignificant, you'll be missing out. Because what happens is, when you sing with everything you've got, you're all you, and that music coming out from you belongs to you and you only. It's yours, & no one can take it away. You can come break our hands, break our legs, break our hearts, but unless you break our necks, we can sing forever. That's the power of the voice. It's yours. And the power you hold with your voice? You're telling the greatest story, through the universal language of music. That's the power of song...

But you know what? If no one appreciates it, then I wash my hands on them. It doesn't matter, so long as we know that we sing for ourselves and for each other. We sing because we want to, because we love to. I don't go for every single practice cos I'm obliged to. I go cos I love it. I love the people, I love the singing, I love the whole atmosphere.

I don't know what happened to me today, but maybe the really late nights (or mornings) have really taken its toil on me. Maybe its not just the frustration with certain authorities, but frustration with how I don't seem to be able to take control over my life as well anymore. How fast responsibilities are piling up, & I haven't gotten used to that yet. But I will, I just need time. I should just go to sleep now, & hope tomorrow's speech day performance will go swell. If anything, I'm performing for my choir buddies, my dearest seniors, & myself.

"Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it."
-Sir Winston Churchill
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