26 September 2005
4:23 PM
BeachSitting silently on the breakwater at the beach, turbulent thoughts, staring into the churning waves breaking across worn rocks, staring into what is oblivion, into what is space, what is vacuum.
What is love, you ask. Wait, not just
love,
true love.
"
true love?" she sneered.
"there isn't such a thing?" you wonder."and you were born, what, yesterday?" she mocked.
"but such love comes only once, or so I've heard." you say."maybe.
But then again, we all live lies.".
How terrible a thing, to feel your heart constrict painfully, as if a grasping , cold claw held against it,
silencing the screams, muffling the cries. You try, as difficult as it is, to soften the blows, to steady the erratic heartbeat. You can't really breathe, so you take deep breaths to ease yourself, because you know that this is all pure foolishness. You laugh your pain away. It is, after all, all you can do at that moment. You think of your inanity, and you try to smile, because maybe by smiling, those tears won't fall.
But they have fallen. What to do..
What if someone told you it wasn't a lie. That it wasn't foolishness or
pure childish stupidity. What if one day you realised that you never would believe that anything amounting to love can ever exist, and you try to comprehend how anyone can allow such vulnerability to seek into their souls and capture their hearts
with a look, with a word.. You scoff at them. They know nothing about this emotion.
Then one day, you wake up from your pathetic reverie, and you take a look at this wretched world, and you realised you're running the rat race as well..
What would you do.
Who would come to take you away from the folly of this world.
No one?There is a dreaded silence that feels the void in anyone's hearts. We feel it, but we ignore it, and pretend it isn't there.
But how can we continue pretending? __________________________________
19 September 2005
4:11 PM
Again, I am blogging on the school's computer. This is sad actually, because I can only check mail etc etc on mondays?
My first ever tourism lesson went by like a breeze.
Thank goodness I had Christine and Denise help me pull through those tormenting hours.. And as for The Women's Voice, it was extremely mind-boggling. Just piecing together the movie
The Hours (
Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep) took quite a bit of concentration because of the movie's fragmentation and sort of stream of consciousness. And I had actually watched it before, so Richard's suicide wasn't all that shocking. The movie is really simply marvellous cos it's not those chick flicks you watch and then forget as soon as the credits roll. This one got me pondering on the
tragedy in life, and surprisingly, on the
celebration of death. I mean, Ms Chow made a comment on how death might not
always be a tragedy, and sometimes we have to make life-changing decisions- it's a choice to live, or death. Women's lives in the 50s weren't exactly all strawberries and cream... Then again, women now don't have it all either. I mean, it was obvious that a conflict in sexual identity could really tear a person apart, that said
not from experience but by Mrs Dalloway's excellent portrayal of a tormented soul.
I had a fantastic time on saturday. It was the first time I ever did such a fun thing. I went to library on impulse. As in, serious grabbing of wallet and hp and dashing out of the house impulse.
Congratulate me. Of course, some other really
really cool stuff happened.
Counting the days until the next episode of Lost comes.. That show is the best I've seen on channel5 trust me.
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13 September 2005
3:20 PM
I'm in a sauna now.
410's air-con is dead to the world, and according to janessa (fellow long-suffering Options companion), we have 1 hour 20 minutes to go before our next module. The book I'm hooked on is taking its toll on my poor eyes.. Hence the attempt to blog in mid-afternoon heat. But it's a really really good book, about the conditions in WW1 for a Jewish girl pretending to be Aryan. The bits about her being a prostitute for the SS soldiers is kind of sickening in the depressing sense, but that's the essence of the war anyhow.
Lovely Green Eyes. Really beautiful name...
Weird thing (1)
I felt a strange
affinity with this classroom. It's kind of weird because I could have stayed in the
air-conditioned 411 classroom to read (this is after my tourism module), but yet I chose to haul myself out of there and trudge next door just to be in the classroom I've becomed accustomed to after 8 months. What is also weird is that jan came all the way up too!
In that way, I guess it doesn't really matter whether we feel 410 is
extremely bonded as a class or not. What truly matters is the relationships we have forged with one another, and even with an empty classroom (for my case at least. It could just be pure stupidity, or some.) I mean, a class is
just a number. It doesn't mean anything. What matters is that we're
happy we see people from our class in modules or anywhere for that matter.
I may be over-generalizing, but then again, I don't really care. I either have an opinion, or I don't. Sitting on that fence is kind of painful. Weird thing (2)
Was on the mrt with dee yesterday after pasta mania, and she said something about how the lady doing the announcements on the mrt system QUOTE always sounds the same.. she must be very bored saying the same thing over and over again.. UNQUOTE :D (sorry dee, I had to put this down in black and white. It's
unbelievable.. you rock!)
Then there's another thing she said about engineering that wasn't supposed to be funny but it seriously was. Unfortunately has a little censored contents (though unintentionally so) :d :p
You can't see the forest for the trees.. I like that.
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12 September 2005
6:26 PM
Yes, I'm actually
still living, breathing, sleeping, watching tv
yaadaa yada yaadaa..
Kai xuan has been so nice allowing me to blog using her computer, cos mine is still in zombie form.. Technology has something against me,
I swear. kx's computer just suddenly switched off before I could log onto the net..
Surprise surprise.
It's amazing how a
gabillion things have happened, and I can only recall one
not-so-very significant bit of memory. How pathetic is that? It's as if the chi pre-lims have completely zapped my ability to remember stuff. In fact, all I can think about is the
zaoju for
jiquanbuning. (And turns out that when you type
how wrongly, it becomes
who.. How fascinating is that?)
I'm on a rant here, so bear with me.Anw, so I was on the phone with chay as usual one night, and we were, as usual, talking about certain
hot guys (who are mostly unreachable but yet we continue to talk about them. I don't really know why). Trust me, I could hear the drool in chay's voice, but never mind that. (: So anyway, she was telling me some huge sob story on the vcd she was watching, something about the guy telling this girl he actually really loves her, but then he dies of some terminal illness and leaves her all alone in the world. Yes, it's the usual old love story, with an underlying autumn in my heart portion (why the poor girl has autumn in her heart is beyond me, but never mind that. As I have mentioned, I'm on a rant). Then she tells me I should totally watch it, cos the girl is kind of like me. I ask her how, and she tells me it's because the girl plays the piano.
Whoopee. But that's not the main thing. This girl is actually pregnant with the dead guy's child, and goodie for her, because now she has QUOTE a part of him with her forever UNQUOTE.
Ok, I see no point in the above paragraph but I shall just leave it there to remind myself of the true extent of disintegration of my brain. Gosh, dis-
intergration. Oh crap. And yet again I am reminded of my terrible math eoy, the one I feel I'm going to fail, even though it was an easy paper to many. Save me from the nothing I've become.
There's lightning now. And I have to walk home in the thunder, lightning or in rain. Except I'm actually worse off than Macbeth. I mean, there's lightning, thunder and rain all rolled into the perfect storm. Fabulous. But of course, at this young and tender age, walking in rain should be no problem. No problem at all.
So anyway, to continue the rant, here's my OPTIONS. Which I am quite pleased with, except I my options changed today, because I had 3 Advanced and 1 enriched, which is unfortunately, not allowed (max. being 3 ad.)
(1) A Woman's Voice
(2) Tourism
(3) Photonics
(4) Saying what you mean
I can't really remember if it's meaning what you say, or saying what you mean, but never mind that.
After today's pre-lims, some of them went to watch Cinderella Man, which I didn't because I don't like boxing (it's violent and a no-brainer), and I don't like the protagonist one teeny weeny bit.
And I'm sad to say I got a little tipsy just by drinking jolly shandy, which has a mere 0.5% of alcohol. There goes 1000 brain cells.. And it's not like I have any to lose.
So anw, I won't be blogging for a few days..
I didn't really miss it actually.. After the rant.
WATCH THIS SPACE. _______________________________________