28 November 2004
10:35 AM
White Oleander-
"We're both in prison, you and I. Punished for our strength and our independence. Don't forget who you are. The best part of me is well hidden and you have to do the same. Remember it all, every insult, every tear.."
The film is very quote-worthy. Did my Lit review on it.
Have been going out this whole week. Every morning, I wake up, think of a new place to go, a new thing to buy, until my days become the epitome of mundane monotony. I guess it has always been this way. School days, homework and tests are always the number1 complaint material, and now that it's the hols, I nitpick about the 'boring' freedom with my time. "I'm going to live like it's my last day." That should be the motto I should live by, rather than grumbling incessantly.
I've gotten another outlet to expel boredom. diary-x. Don't know why actually, maybe it's just to voice out all the totally mundane things in my brain, and somehow this template doesn't fit what I would have liked to express at that point in time. :
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Everyone asks why I started at the end and worked back to the beginning. The reason is simple. I couldn't understand the beginning till I reached the end. (+)
24 November 2004
1:14 PM
How many times can a person have a meal at delifrance before eating there becomes monotonous.. I have tried almost everything they have to offer, and mum still loves going there.
How many times can a person plonk herself down for tv viewing before it becomes positively boring.. And how many times can I cut my hair till I don't have any left lol. Don't know why I have this impulsive need to alter my hairstyles. I can get it spray-teased too, and the wind-blown effect doesn't look that bad either. Well, monotony
is a dangerous thing.. There was never anything wrong with living a mundane life, much like
Our Town actually. (I was clearing up old books, so that explanation should sufficiently clarify why the reference to
Our Town -
shudders.)
Seems to me that some do recognize that individual feelings could never outweigh conventional social distinctions. Austen felt that judgement is always inflected or modulated by personal desire, just as vision is always governed by perspective. Since this world is ours to make or destroy, we destroy our world by prejudice and by putting personal desire above society. So that's why it has to be Society above Self. Because every action by an individual is automatically linked to the actions of others. Simple.
Listening to Michelle Branch.. Watched this surfing competition for the Roxy Cup in
Hawaii. Holly has this really cute Reef surfboard. And her flip-flops looked like the one sis bought lol. Men's semi-finals had them surfing 25-foot waves. I have tried a
third that height, and would definitely have drowned 5 times if I attempted that 25-foot feat. Then again, I am no professional. My aunt wants to watch
Saw. She'll have to kill me first if she wants me to watch it with her.
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19 November 2004
3:27 PM
Whining of the day
Had a few missed calls, and in my haste to return them i ran
smack Whack! into the corner of the wall.
Klutz alert lol. very prominent bruise on my forehead in a most
ghastly colour
eew. It doesn't even come
close to being the new fashion statement.
Kidding. [:
one beautiful week
waltzed past, and I am left with the dreadful task of completing my theory hmk. Right now. i need my Big Break most desperately, and good news- I have approximately one measly
hour to complete my theory; bad news- I have not touched the
piano (lagging behind by
3 weeks) or
violin (according to nonexistent schedule, behind
7 weeks). And you wonder
why my violin teacher hates me lOl. I am comforted by the fact that I
can sight-read (
barely), but regrettably, ms niu knows when I'm
pitifully tinkering with the strings in a pathetic attempt to make the piece sound like music. Nevertheless, one hour is what I'll have to make do with.
Received a lengthy
lecture from mum for
terrible mess in room. When has it ever been neat anyway.. I'm not allowed to plonk down for tv pleasure until the room looks different. (According to her, it cannot get any worse.) That aside, I
love the lacoste perfume advertisment.. The one where the model in white knee-high boots chases after a very
'dodgy' kite tile. [: Really like the music that goes with it.
I'm left with 42min left for completion of the excellent piece of music I have to practise until they send me to the Lunacy association. And of course, theory. Who even bothers about Neapolitan sixths and agogic playing these days..
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17 November 2004
10:37 PM
it's stupid to love someone you're not supposed to love at all. it's not only stupid, it's crazy. it's just admiration gone wrong. that's all. that's all.
i don't believe in
loving when there isn't
anything to hold onto. i don't believe in loving when you cannot and
will never be loved in that way. i don't believe in "
hoping for the best", when the best is only what you get
now. it's
pointless and
entirely meaningless to try to pretend you're a part of something you are
not and
never will be.
pointless.
i shouldn't be living in the past any more. not now. not ever. because i'll only realise how wrong i was, and how i wasted my emotions and my brain cells hoping and wishing. it is hopeless, meaningless, futile, completely and utterly pointless to hold on.
i will let go in time. i will do that for my sake alone. it's so sad when you have to give things up.
when the happiest times of your life are those that will never come back again. forever. and we all know, that forever is an awfully long time.
Who can live with the
mere "Love will keep us alive"? after all, you and I know that love
cannot keep anyone alive.
Love will not keep us alive, but love gives us a hope to live for. Some
sanity left to hold on. so maybe.. Rather than dying a
broken person without
ever loving, or rather by
denying to
ever have loved.
if we never hurt, we never feel..
16 November 2004
1:34 PM
Budak Pantai 'In Your Face'
What can I say.. the performance jitters, the
breaking vocal chords, the
frantic preparation before we went on stage, the
last minute warm-ups outside the changing rooms..
The
exhilaration of performing on the
esplanade concert hall stage, the
fascination with the disco ball and the acoustics panel thing that Michael said could adjust
all the way to the ceiling, the
laughter and hilarity in the changing rooms (
what we call sectionals), the choir's (esp. the altos!) admiration for the
magnificent changing rooms (lol), the
gulping down of dinner (chicken rice) just to
rush back to touch up make up, the
surprise when we got an
invitation to tea with budak at Raffles City Convention Center soon, the interaction with one of the
most skilled a capella groups around, the
anticipation of a
smashing performance, having a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to perform in the
world class esplanade, being part of the
magic of a capella singing with budak.
That sums up sat's concert. Would I trade anything for that experience?
Over my dead body. Never. The feeling of singing and smiling and
dancing on stage with the choir, watching the choir and sections
bond, enjoying the company of the
wacky sop2s in our personal changing rooms, having our sectionals and chanting in the dark, singing alishan for the billionth time..
wow.
Sop2 -
ball family: You guys truly deserve the Most Off-the-wall Wacky award. It was
crazy in the changing room, us chanting in the dark, me walking around
poking people in the stomachs testing our diaphragm support, everyone practising our
megawatt smiles in front of the mirror, slapping on foundation in a pathetic attempt to cover up blemishes (
ouch), trying to apply lipstick while laughing like there's no tomorrow.
And then there's us on stage, belting out our little "solo" part of alishan, and then seeing ms loo give us the
thumbs up and mouthing "
beautiful". That's the whole
spirit of performing. Our hard work really pulled off!
I love sop2s!
Now that it's over.. Post-concert
blues as usual. But what can I say. It was a
Cool Night, most
definitely! All hail RGS choir!
I love Budak Pantai. (:
"The key to the mystery of a great artist is that for reasons unknown, he will give away his energies and his life just to make sure that one note follows another..
and leaves us with the feeling that something is right in the world. "
-Leonard Bernstein
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11 November 2004
11:20 AM
Read
The Ugly Duckling- Iris Johansen and
No Way Out- Andrea Kane yesterday evening. Both are
New York Times bestselling authors. What a coincidence. Both books were essentially crime novels about
hideous murders and gruesome deaths, things that were better read in the mornings. I was quite freaked by them actually, so I pushed kx's get-together earlier.
Sigh. Such a coward. I think murder stories aren't exactly my cup of milo.
I've finally received the syf set piece
Sunset. I have yet to try and make sense of it, and start practising
regina coeli. If you ask me I'd much rather do the
alleluja part, but oh well. And then there's the
Ascendit Deus score I just cannot seem to find from the net. Where are all the order forms? ): And then there's the million and two things to be done for choir. Can't wait to get started. ^^'
Go taufik.
"You cannot raise a man up by calling him down."
-William Boetcker
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09 November 2004
1:07 PM
Yesterday (after choir prac.) went on a little shopping spree with yilun! (: Enjoyed myself thoroughly, and I've finally found something I've been looking out for everytime I shop! Congratulate me on finally getting what I've wanted. ;) I've been hankering after those good buys for a whole year already! I did drag yilun through almost all the shops, painstakingly trying to locate the 'goods'. Thanks so much lun, for being so patient! Most unfortunately, we had to take a few detours in far east, somehow managing to evade a few 'mafia' members, but all's well that ends well!
Sunday was an extremely eventful shopping 'binge' as well! I don't think I've ever spent $44 on chocolates, but those were really melt-in-the-mouth sumptous, so it's worth it. And then my sis bought some flip-flops from pacific plaza. Really pretty ones too. Just that I didn't really agree with the price, and after all, she already had a funky pair from taka that she wore only once. We had to go up and down the whole of p. plaza multiple times cos we really couldn't make up our minds, and roxy has a limited display of thongs anyway. We bought some other stuff too, and soon I'll be wanting the manicure again. I've already got the nail colours in mind for this fall. (: (Burgundy is this fall's colour btw.)
And then there's my reaction to my results..
My dear beloved physics,
I have wrestled with my minute brain to attempt to understand you, and based on the quantity of time I've spent toiling on the formulas and modus operandi, I had believed I finally understood you. And so I painlessly slogged away, enthusiastically practising principles behind Newton's Third Law and everything else under the sun, and regrettably all that has come to naught. It is an understatement when I say I am thoroughly disappointed with the results I have obtained, and after scrupulously assessing my standards, I would be so audacious as to state that you have by the large dragged my gpa down.
I am dismayed by this, and so am contemplating giving you up as one of my preferred subjects. Do not whine and groan at me, because you have after all, earned this silent treatment you have been receiving since I found out my results. I have decided I shall work harder, and I assure you, if you still choose to chuck me and my results down the chute, I shall be noticeably less courteous.
It is also regrettable that I seem to have lost my mind, and so I express my gratitude to you for facilitating the deterioration of my mind.
Yours truly.
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03 November 2004
2:26 PM
A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. That every person, upon thought, has a heart which enclose their own secret.
It's truly inconceivable. So far-fetched, the thought, yet accurate.
Astounding actually. We're all
so different, pole's apart, yet we all react and response in that similar manner. Yet we all breathe, live,
subsist, in an almost identical system. How is it possible, that, so similar a
technique and existence could result and produce so dissimilar a person.
This world is actually somewhat consistent. For instance, not
all tumours are cancer. There's benign (non-cancerous) and malignant (cancerous). It's all fairly straightforward. Then again, you either
have a tumour or you
don't. Or you are either
going to have a tumour, you
might have a tumour, you will
not have a tumour, or you
are having a tumour. Consistent and relatively dependable, this world. It's just like you either
have a friend or you
don't. You could get friends, you could lose friends, you could forget friends, you could give friends up. But eventually,
ultimately, you either have them or you don't. Just like a tumour. (Not a good comparison, but the point stands.)
And then, the colour of the sky. It's blue. Well actually, no. It's azure, indigo, sapphire and you name it.
Imagine having such conversation with someone. I mean, who actually
cares what colour the sky is, so long as it's constant and will never change to become green. Like I said, this world is consistent. But the people aren't. But the people are a mystery to each other. We live in an
uncomplicated world, but with
too many complex people.
Currently, George Bush 51%, John Kerry 48%. Popularity votes.
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices."
-Edward R. Murrow
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