philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

Philo. class was really a different experience altogether. For one, some people (including myself) felt pretty lousy, & maybe even angry at the world. It was a sad time.

I think we're all supermans in one way or another, and the problem is how we deal with that. I think I'm through with crying about it. If the world screams for perfection, then give it to them. If we have that OBLIGATION to be perfect, then by all means, let us all go achieve perfection.

But sometimes it isn't perfection, it's something more. Maybe sometimes the world will want to claim your whole life, your whole being, in its hands, and the world doesn't let go very easy. Some of my friends are just an empty shell, they are tired of giving whenever people ask for something, tired of obliging, tired of giving without getting anything back. What can be done? When you are working for this wretched world, you're just giving without any taking. It doesn't have to be this way. We don't have to succumb to self-pity.

You want me to be superman? Fine. Then teach me how to fly.

How hard is it to face up to the world around you?
How hard is it to know that the people you are with are living a lie... It's pathetic when you see them so happy, and you want to be happy for them, but you can't. Because you know the truth, and the truth will hurt them. And even if they do know the truth, they choose to ignore the blatant fact. That maybe some guys are jerks. Maybe all they want are trophy girlfriends. Maybe they even like having MULTIPLE girlfriends... maybe it makes them feel powerful, to know that if they lose one, there's always another, and another, and another to fall back on.

What has this world become... It's a walking, spinning disaster waiting to happen, and when that disaster comes, I hope I'll be dead and decomposed.

The things jerks say when they're angry... It cannot be justified- no matter what. I will never allow myself to be described as a waste of time etc. What does that make her? An investment? Why, is there a profit to be made? Wait, after a breakup it's called a loss. So maybe all relationships actually just degrade to cheap stock market deals.

Maybe I should just forget everything, and if my friends are happy, then I should be happy for them too. Maybe I should just give it up. Maybe it's a lost cause.

But to the jerks: You're taking without giving. There's always a price to pay.
The more you take, the more it shows your disregard. There are no rules, that's true, but for everything you gain... it's worth nothing. You should know that. So stop playing games with people.

There's this song that describes my feelings entirely: (Headstrong by Trapt)
I see your motives inside.. Back off- I'll take you on. I know that you are wrong... I won't give everything away.

My dad is falling apart. I don't know what I should do. I don't know I don't know I don't know. But I know for a fact that when you feel like such a failure, and when you're without God, you just stop wanting to live.

The song I'm playing? It's called "Out of the darkness into the light". I won't stop praying.

"I feel my wings have broken in your hands.
I feel the words unspoken inside...
Somebody save me." (From Smallville by Remy Zero)

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