philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

Ultimately, it boiled down to what we wanted to gain, and why we put our hearts and souls out there for. Why we stood on that stage with lights glaring in our eyes, audiences waiting for our failure or success, and us waiting for the time to come. Belting out maxican, japanese lyrics, clapping like there wasn't tomorrow, a lady on a rocking chair, a wilting sakura, and a yellow bird.

Why did we faithfully practiced so hard and for so long, to place our hearts at the mercy of 5 people who might never hear us sing again. In any competition, there would be the winners, the losers, and those who thought they deserved to win but never did. Which category do we fall under?

After the horrendous silence, it was very clear we didn't think ourselves winners. And we are definitely not losers either. What's left when the numbness has left and our voices have died. What really matters now...

We all know gold is not enough, and whether we deserve that is another thing altogether. Would it make a difference if I said that we gave our best shot, and that I wouldn't change the way we blasted our voices out for anything? That we didn't mess up, and if we did, it was meant to be? Or that we gave our all, but it just wasn't good enough..

I don't know what I want to hear, or what excuses I will make, because nothing will change the outcome, and nothing will help alleviate spirits.

To my dear juniors, sorry it turned out this way. We had so much hope didn't we, and we all knew that our hope wasn't unfounded. It was shocking wasn't it? I told myself to expect the worst, but hope for the best. But truth be told, I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for failure, only that this isn't exactly a failure is it..

To the comm. and the sec4s, this is it. Our last / first SYF together. and that was it. It came and went, and poof! We have to start on concert prep. already.

I don't know what else to say, or what can be said to make it all better. If I sound depressed or morbid or sad, I'm not. Neither am I in a very reflective stage. I just want to forget a disappointment, for a little while.

But I will not forget how wonderful we were on stage, how we really grooved (esp. the 4 of us up front, after constant reminders!) to las amirallas, or how we felt the pain of a dead granny in her rocking chair, with all her memories and pain. Or how the soloists really poured our emotions out, hoping to reach people, hoping that they'll understand..

It takes more than this to forget those emotions. It takes more than this for us to shake our heads and pronouce ourselves a failure. Because we know that we aren't.

And that's all that really matters anyway.

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