01 August 2005
10:15 PM
today, i lived the second
worst day of my life. i don't know why, but for some strange reason, i was kept in a constant state of worry that my tear-inducing stress would erupt, leaving me with an empty shell after all the boiling lava goes (bad analogy, but wt.) I have never been like this before, and today things just went all wrong. I was torn between laughing everything away, and crying everything away, while pretending I was laughing, which doesn't make any sense, but again, I don't seem to care. I don't even seem to care whether I fail my SPAs, lit pt, mocks, whatever.
Seriously.
I have come to a point where
fatigue isn't just something I can reckon with, but never mind that. I can't die just yet. Maybe in a year's time. (
No this isn't suicidal.) There will come a time when high blood pressure or some cardiac arrest would seize me, and if that happens before I say my goodbyes, I'll say it first. Life is as good as it gets, and I'm going to make the best out of it. The only question is HOW.
*afternote: how absolutely distressing. I have been reduced to a master at whining and cowering in the face of adversity. excuse me while i go sit in a corner and do some serious reflections. Wait. there isn't time for that..
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everyone in my family is falling sick. this is not a good time. We have people with the flu, cough, headaches, migraines, general grumpiness, you name it, they've got it..
