philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

A million things have happened these few days. Time for some recollections. This shall be a very long entry. (:

There was the great local drama production- Oi! Sleeping Beauty!! which was pretty hilarious and flamboyant, with all their ostentatious characters and madcap storyline. It's definitely for family viewing (except for a few dirty little jokes that kids won't get anyway) because the subtlety and nuance was lost in brazen blatancy, but it was real cool anyhow. (: I love Singapore productions! There's all the anti-commercialisation and anti government, it's hilarious.

My new home is really great, because it's just 4 minutes away from HOLLAND VILLAGE. I am in love with Holland shopping centre. The stuff there are definitely not your average orchard road, because nowadays town has such a street fashion cult following - youth culture place that you hardly recognize anything that hasn't been worn before. What's the point if everyone keeps wearing checkered tight pants, converse high tops and berets or paperboy hats everywhere? It's like a (huge cringe) uniform. Holland shopping center has plenty of traditional garb, Indian-eastern outfits and Balinese wraps, and sparkly sequined stuff! I like.

For food lovers, there's English, Italian, Mexican, Spanish, Lebanese, middle-eastern, Japanese, thai-viet, Taiwanese, Singapore cuisine there, it's like food paradise. Sorry I seem to be gushing. I've always loved Holland V, but now that I'm living just next door, I love it even more. I've been eating kiliney kaya toast for the past 3 breakfasts. (:

Been shopping, and I've done my accounts. The verdict is quite terrible, because I have a certain budget in mind, and then I overspend on a certain item thrice the price. Had this little tiff with mum over a new skirt. It is kind of short though (as soon and tan have also pointed out), but you really wonder who was the one who kept pushing me to wear spag tops when I was barely 10. I mean, give me a kitkat.

Oh well, I have to get emotionally- ready to withdraw some money I've just received. It hurts my heart, but I shall do it for the sake of new shoes. It is a sacrifice worthy of making.

To move on to a random bit. I've realized that whenever I go shopping, I keep seeing things which would better suit friends. And because I've used up all of my holiday allowance, plus all of this year and last year's hongbao money (which I cleverly didn't deposit) and whatever award money/spare cash I've hidden in my drawers (which I've unearthed after moving), and blown half of everything on Christmas gifts, I couldn't buy them..

For example, I'd go "oh gosh that is so lun" or "that's definitely ann tay" (especially whenever I see SHOES which look like her extremely nice U.R.S. ones) etc etc etc. To the people at sue mei's party, your Christmas presents took at least 3 rounds of shopping to get. The first round was when I saw the item and started pondering and sleeping on the decision. The second round when I went back to reassure myself that you'd like it, and then tragically remember I had just spent all the cha-ching in my wallet on something I selfishly bought for my own self, and then I'll dutifully return for the third round to actually purchase the item. Tragic actually. Think of the amount of money I'm contributing to SBS service.

In fact (I think I'm on a very bad and pointless tirade, but don't mind me.), the sales lady at wisma's Chomel went "oh it's you", when I returned the third time. I now know wisma very well, thanks to unfruitful Christmas shopping.

By the way, if anyone hasn't been to the Food Republic yet, don't go during peak hours or lunch time breaks or whatever. Trust me, sometimes you can't breathe in there, and people are forever asking you whether the seat next to you is taken. From the second I sat down till the time I got up, I was glared at for eating too slowly, or for talking too much. It's like "get off your bottom and give me your seat" kind of thing.

Right then.

I went back for a little choir party 2 days ago! Vera's going too ): This is quite sad, because everyone seems to be going everywhere. We ate and made merry, some of us took the usual neos, and then later on (because the rest had stuff to do, including lun who had to scold her hairdresser!), sue, tanneh and myself when to scotts food court for some dessert. I'll miss hanging at scotts etc etc. J8 is just way too normal and boring thank you.


i love the classy black and the pouty one!



darlings.

My mum just asked me if I was dropping by city hall on my whirlwind shopping adventure. She doesn't understand the implications of her question. It hurts my soul to even think about venturing to said location, and so I shall just stop thinking about it.

I realise I only have a few pictures of my home here cos I can't upload the others for goodness knows why. Never mind then.


the moving van!


the sibling star! (: I didn't realise my bro's fingers were so cute and short haha. all the piano fingers. and i didn't realise the corn on my 3rd finger is so ugly and obvious.(the 2 fingers on the right are mine.) gross..


the siblings.



christmas gifts! Bought both for her.. She needs some REAL nail polish, and i love sally hensen.



this is my room wall! Royal purple!! At first I wanted fiery salsa, but Jenny the interior designer started laughing like I escaped from an asylum and became the resident clown. She wanted to know who I was feeling so passionate about. :X


part of the hall with my darling piano. I love the colour of the wall! It's sandstone. (:

Today I went out with SOOMEH for the Go! Fitness classes I had left in my member card. We did MTV dance which was very very cool. I love it. The hiphop one I went to a few days back was really fun too, but vivi conducted it. (It was supposed to be maverick)


soomeh with her extra-hot sandwich. (:

We went shopping around, then at popular to buy new stationary! It was definitely liberating.


Unfortunately I couldn't decide on the hard cover or soft cover Amy Tan, and I muled over it for about 10 minutes. They are both the same price, but the hard cover is so hideous! It looks like a bad horror book.. I bought that in the end. More practical.

Thanks so much sue mei for accompanying me today! We will go to that spa one day..

MSN-ing with tanneh and meiting now(: I miss you guys loads, and everyone else! Have a great 2005, and whatever's left of it. See you next year guys!

LOVES.

[edit] I've just spent the last hour on msn with so many people popping up and asking me whether I know so-and-so and "is she nice?". Seems to me most are quite nervous, especially those going rj from ny! I just got off the phone with eunice, who sounds exactly the same! ;) It was so nice catching up! And libing too.

I really can't wait to go the school (not the orientation part). All the new people, all the old friends, and the new.

Happy new year guys. [/edit]
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Everyone! Go draw your own house! The personality bit is really cool too (:
CLICK

This was mine.. I love my drawing but it looks a little like what kindergarten kids will draw..



Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes.

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BORED.

1. Start time?
4pm

2. Were you named after anyone?
A singer called Charmaine. Mum's a dreamer (:

3. Do you wish on stars?
Unfortunately that habit has vanished. I have something better than wishes now.

4. When did you last cry?
a week ago, when I burnt my fingers. I held onto my floodgates until home.
5. What is your favourite meat?
lobster.

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
No, I love all of them.

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
I shld like to be friends with everybody.

8. Are you a daredevil?
I have never gotten the courage to watch a real horror film or sit on a rollercoaster, so I totally am.

9. How do you release anger?
I talk it out.

10. Where is your second home?
during the hols- the shopping malls.

11. Do you trust others easily?
yes, actually. It can be good or bad. Take your pick.

12. What was your favourite toy as a child?
my doll called annabella. she was very blonde, very blue-eyed, very british. but i loved her. I cried buckets when my mum washed her.

13. What class in school do you think is totally useless?
-

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I think so actually. But in jest.

16. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
why do surveys always ask such personal questions.

17. Would you bungee jump?
absolutely.

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
y bother.

19. What's your favourite ice cream flavour?
chewy mocha! From andersen's ice cream. or oatmeal from ben n j's

20. What is your favourite colour?
brown n orange.

21. What is your least favourite thing?
having a headache. There is nothing I can do about it.
and crying. cos then i've lost control.

22. What do you miss most right now?
the way it was.

23. What are you listening to right now?
mtv awards. jessica simpson is simpering.

24. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
black. It's so practical.

25. What is the weather like right now?
stale air, no wind. What more could Singapore ask for.

26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
my uncle. (My G-star jeans are too long.)

27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
dun know dun care.

28. Do you like the person who sent you this?
ripped it off sab's blog. thankew!

29. How are you today?
tired. mum has a lot of crystal to unpack.

30. Favourite drink?
HL milk

31. Favourite alcoholic drink?
not yet not yet! Dun rush me pls.

32. Natural hair colour?
black w weird colouring. The clorine does bad things to your hair.

33. Eye colour?
oriental.

34. Wear contacts?
no.

35. Siblings?
sis n bro. The best there is in the world.

36. Favourite month?
december.

37. Favourite food?
prawn, lobster, cheesecake, sushi.

38. Last movie you watched?
Princess diaries on tv.

39. Favourite day of the year?
christmas. It means so much more than some think it does.

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
Nope.

41. Scary movies or happy endings?
duh happy endings.

42. Summer or winter?
summer! Everyone is so happy and everything.

43. Hugs or kisses?
hugs. More personal.

44. Do you want your friends to write back?-

45. Who is most likely to respond?-

46. Who is least likely to respond?-

47. What book/magazine are you reading?
A history of Insects by Yvonne Roberts. It is not about insects rest assured. It's bloody interesting. I love it.

48. What's on your mouse pad?
dancing coloured dots.

49. What did you watch on TV last night?
princess diaries

50. Favourite smell?
hilfiger true star

51. Do you regret ever breaking up with someone?
no.

52. Time of finishing?
4.15 pm.

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I'm blogging in my NEW home now! Home sweet home.. Too tired to remember anything else, only that sue mei's christmas bash was really great (: thank you sumae!

Had much fun with soon, tan, lun, carmen, char, nix, shawn and greg. Too bad I couldn't stay and play with the sparklers. Mum and sue mei said I looked drunk. How morbid. I seem to have zero alcohol tolerance. Then again, why would I need the tolerance anyway. I shall abstain. It's safer that way.

I shall roam holland village tonight and get all those last minute deals. I know breadtalk usually has a $1 for all bread during the late nights, so I shall probably buy every type of bread they've got and eat everything, just for the heck of it. I shall also pop by the funky english cafe Fosters and grab an earl grey to toast myself this Christmas. (:

This from carmen: go check it out!
it's christmas! haha thanks carmen.

Merry christmas everyone. He loves you, and so do I.

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(Listening to\ Jesus Take the Wheel Carrie Underwood)

The thing about people is that we only call out to Him in our desperation, our desolation, our solitude. We don't really know that we need Him, every day of our lives.

Without Him, my life is a pathetic meaningless shell of existence, always reaching for the next goal ahead, or the next stepping-stone to propel one to the pinnacle of success.

What is the point

Where do we go from there. From that high apex of wealth and gratuitous possessions. Where does it bring you then, when you can proudly tell the world and everyone who didn't believe in you, that You've done it.

Done what?

Would it even matter anymore, when all is stripped away, and the world is worth nothing in your palm. Nothing but poverty, resentment, distrust, conceit, grief.

We scramble around in the rat race, and even if we win, even if we get the grain and feed our malnourished minds with all the knowledge of the world, we will live and we will die. We would never have gotten off the hamster's wheel, and we'll still be running until Life catches up with us, and we fade away into hollow purpose, devoid of the very quintessence of what it means to be Alive.

We are all living, but we are not alive.

Where to, from there?

THROUGH IT ALL

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave blessed consolation,
That my trials only come to make me strong.

I've been a lot of places,
And seen so many faces,
There've been times I've felt so all alone.

But in that lonely hour,
In that precious lonely hour,
Jesus let me know I was His own.

Through it all,
Through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.

So I thank God for the mountains,
And I thank Him for the valleys,
Thank Him for the storms He's brought me through.

If I never had a problem.
Wouldn't know that He could solve them,
Wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do.

Through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.

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The holidays are ending! How terrible. I have done absolutely nothing about myself this hols, except to watch about a million tv shows, spend all my money away on shopping sprees, and read half a million books (thank goodness for the fiction in the world.) Without fiction, won't we just shrivel in our little world without any alter reality? I mean, where will we be without some new insight to another form of existence? Or maybe I'm just pathetic.

I've been clearing out my closet and shoes cabinet. We're moving! Horray! And I had to say goodbye to a pair of flipflops which I have never even worn once, among many other good ol' shoes.. Gave sis a blister. Such a waste of money.



I can simply ignore my diploma, final theory paper, and violin next year in some vain hope that it will all go away. Rachmaninov is killing me, seriously. I absolutely am not able to play that insane piece of music. I am not a prodigy. I am not even willing to try. I will never get anywhere with this terrible attitude towards working hard, but hey, I need a break.

This is rachmaninov.. shudders. I think he would have hated me too.


To take my mind of my pitiable way of living, bro's cheesecake is a gift from heaven. I have rationed the cake into 5 slices, so every time I open the fridge, I can only satisfy my craving on one slice. It lasts longer that way. The last time I bought a whole chicago cheesecake, I ate until I almost puked everything out, and that would have been such a waste really. Cheesecake is meant to be digested. It is time to let our stomachs celebrate the wonders of gourmet food, and cheesecake is definitely on the list.

Actually I cannot really tell the difference between chicago cheesecake, and new york cheesecake. Someone told me once that chicago is more sticky and sweeter, while the new york is cheesier. Either way, both are works of digestible art. Forgive me for gushing, but it is my favourite type of dessert. Carrot cake is another (NO not the oily yucky fried one.)

So anyway, let me paint the drama of the quickly-diminishing cake. (If you have no time please hit the X. This entry is completely and utterly pointless.)

I open the fridge to check whether my HL milk has run out.



And then my eye gets hooked on the cheesecake box, which I have reserved a special space for in the fridge..


I take it out to check on the cake. And then, horrors of horrors, I realise that there are only THREE pieces left! There was supposed to be 5..



I demanded to know who has been stealing my cake. It was my brother. I couldn't say anything about it could I. It was his birthday cake after all..

Never mind, my birthday is coming.. There is hope yet.

I just read sab's blog, and she mentioned something about pierre png's character in this chinese show where he is manically obsessed over some girl called meirenyu (mermaid), and he likes to say her name over and over again like some sicko maniacal psycho. I mean, if love makes you do stupid things, this comes up tops. It is quite sickening to switch the tv on, only to hear his cutesy voice WHINING out her name. (shivers) This is just a meaningless afterthought..

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Dee's sleepover was pretty crazy.. We stayed up till about 1.30am watching this fantastic drama serial which I am (amazingly) very interested in. It is realism to the max, unlike all the other serials people watch where the rich hot guy gets the poor hot girl or something to that extent. That is just a bad case of escapism.


sleepyyy faces..

So anyway, me and chay went shopping while dee had to her jazz dance performance. The shopping was pretty fruitful, considering how cheap the stuff were, and they were unique too! All we could ever ask for.. Chay bought the frilly pink skirt that we muled over for 20 minutes, and unfortunately for me, my pay hasn't arrived, so no skirt ):





Talk about two peas in a pod!

Before the sleepover my aunt brought me to wheelock place's Go! Fitness, which is this really cool and classy fitness studio with great trainers (: I was very impressed by the bath area. They bring 'pamper' to a whole new level. I tried their MTV Dance class, which was a pretty hot dance actually. Can't wait for hip hop class! Really hope james is having classes though..


a sneaky shot at the punching bags!


i love their bath area.. their mirrors are wide and huge, and they have all these cool studio lights so you can actually fool yourselves into believing that your complexion is completely radiant and baby-smooth. ;)


Then today we celebrated my bro's birthday at meritus mandarin hotel. My camera konked out (I think I dropped it too many times..), so I couldn't take cute little pictures of dear dawn, or the fluffy pink christmas tree, or the huge peking duck, or the mango cheese cake, which was my personal favourite. I wanted to try the wine, but my mum did this poll / vote with my relatives, and the adults decided my first glass shall be at 21. Great.

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Class chalet

Before I collapse from a severe lack of rest (I slept a measly 1 hour!), I shall upload the pictures from our class chalet @changi today, and lots of photowhoring sessions.. (:


bbq!


lighting the charcoal took half an hour!


eme and chicken wings!


eleanor!



when smoke gets in your eyes..


my future tete-a-tete buddies: looking rather successfully blur. (: I LOVE this shot!


fellow photowhoring babes


my fav shot!


the sky n setting sun were incredible.. (I'm standing on the 'DANGER KEEP OUT' jetty! living on the edge was never so beautiful..)



i believe i can fly..


alfie, a cheese dog, and me (:


sher n cher.


astee n me!


janessa n me: running towards the light ;)



moonlight and midnight blue..

I had some really great chats with janessa at 11pm. It was great just sitting out on the grassy banks, letting the sea breeze stir the air, and listening to lizards singing their little songs..



morning today. Everyone was half dead!






and so it ends.

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Campus Superstar Quarter Finals was at j8 today, and it was absolutely crazy and jam-packed with teens of all colours and assortments. It was pretty cringe-worthy actually, and we (soon, tan, xiumz and me!) were gasping for breath while sandwiched in between adoring fans waving large digitally-enhanced photos of their favs. And seriously, we wouldn't have been caught dead at the site if not for YI LUN!! We saw loads of people there, and we got lun a really pretty purple bouquet of white daisies, which I waved around while lun sang (she saw it!).

And THEN! the channel U cameras started focusing of the four of us! The hosts (junyang and someone) went over to where we were standing (in the thick of the crowd) and called us over for an interview!! When they shoved the mike with the channel U logo I almost died then and there, and was desperately hoping they wouldn't make me speak chinese, which OF COURSE they did..

It was pretty cool actually because they interviewed us in front of the camera for about 5 minutes while lunny stood next to them, holding our bouquet haha! I just hope we don't go on the show, because they asked us pretty silly things like how many marks we'll give her. Xiumz said something like "yi qian wan", which I was trying in vain to translate in my head. It's ten million marks I think. lol.



Lun was about the tenth girl to go onstage, and in my humble opinion, was the very best. The contestants before her weren't terrible either, but let's face it, it's a singing competition, and I'm afraid no one can beat lunny's technique and vocal prowess. I know, because I sing.

To tell the absolute truth, I couldn't tell the difference in voices of one girl or the other. They sounded like those chinese singers you hear on the radio, which is saying something about today's pop culture. What for have yet another superstar, however pretty or cutesy, when you have those thousands of little girlies out there belting out similar tunes and following the same fashion?

Whatever happened to Originality, or real singing technique? I mean, conformity is such an ugly word.

I may not qualified to make any comments whatsoever, but I do believe the judges (who I do not feel are qualified either btw) don't really know what they are looking for, based on the remarks they gave the contestants. I mean, if a replica of S.H.E. or Jolin Tsai is what they're looking for, then yeah, right on.

But if they're looking for someone who doesn't need ah mei's "groove" or a sweetie pie voice for people to sit up and listen, and who has amazing technique and power to carry a song her very own way, rather than simply mimicking, you've got lunny. Way to go lun!


After that we went walking and shopping! Met my sis, and we went on a major retail therapy - shopping spree. I have yet to count my receipts shudders. But I got pretty good deals, and if anyone likes adidas outfits/ shoes, they're having a sale! Spent about 5 hours non-stop, sailing from shop to shop, but the stuff in fashion now aren't very nice. I mean, Topshop has a pitiful variety of skirts, and roxy has only 6 different types of denim minis (how pathetic is that.)

I have also decided that surf brands are not synonymous with quality. The roxy leather I bought last month scratches easily, and the flip flops are kind of ugly. But then again, that's just me. Miss sixty still has the very best denim, but they are kind of out-of-budget. Woe is me.

My piano teacher has searched the world for a certain Vivaldi score, from europe to switzerland to some small little country somewhere, but to no avail..

Some things are just gone for good..

and by the way, I'm in a sad state. crushing mr. lacroix.

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and I have to face the truth.

I can will never be with you.

work ex is over.

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My work ex is killing me. My muscles are aching like crazy, and I am so tired beyond words. But the best part is I get to meet new people! It's fantastic, because these people are way way different from the people I mix with usually, and it's really fun to get to know people who are well, different (and it's in a good way).

So far, joanna, diana, seet, mor, kala, sharon have been so helpful and everything, and they all talk chinese, so I actually get to brush up a little on my chinese. And mor is so darn helpful I just feel like hugging him. (: I am usually clueless because everyone is so very busy with their own duties, but whenever he sees me do anything, he'll just stop whatever he's doing and advise me or help me. He's just great.+

Today was really funny. There is this auntie who was conversing (or trying to) with me while I was resting my aching muscles, and because she talks chinese real quick, I can't really answer her because I sometimes don't even know what she's talking about, which is quite sad. So she said something about me being a xiao hua in jc, and I got a little upset, because it sounded (to my deaf ears) like xiao4 hua4 (joke). Thankfully I clarified (it's actually xiao4 hua1, and that is seriously very different from xiao4 hua4), or it would be quite upsetting actually..

I can't wait for another bout of retail therapy. This time no one is going to stop me from buying my Vivaldi.
NO ONE.

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We wait for tomorrow's dawn..

Reading the papers regarding Nyugen's hanging leaves me speechless. The main thread of discussion seems to be: "Let's Hang Him. He is a drug trafficker out to kill thousands of people. Let this be a lesson to all others, that they will see, and realize that there is no mercy, no leniency in the eyes of the Law."

And this hypocrisy truly leaves me flabbergasted.

Imagine now, perhaps just for pure fun. If the trafficker to hang was a young Caucasian girl of twenty-something, with long pretty blond / brown hair tied in a limp ponytail, its shine now dull from the lack of sunshine. If her cell was cold and unforgiving, with only pale sunlight flitting through the iron bars of the prison cell to remind her of what was freedom.

If she had a dust of freckles on her skin, pale from the fear and terror of death, and large and tired, pale blue eyes swimming with unshed tears, a mouth which trembled while she tried to be so very brave about her fate, but finally when meeting her crying mother, breaks down and cries anguished tears of fright, and cling on as if her life depended on it.


If the newspapers printed her contrite, frightened, and remorseful face for all the world to see and pity,
if we were shown the pictures of her when she was still free, her cheeks a rose pink and sun-drenched, her bright eyes shining with goodwill and mirth,

and then shown the way she collapsed and shivered with dread in her tiny cell, just so that the world may compare her then and now, and shake their heads and willingly join in an anti-capital punishment movement, and anti-S'pore campaign.

Would we now, lay cold and bare, all those condemning statements in the papers, how all drug traffickers are murderers, and how drugs kill, and just go right ahead and hang her (after all, it’ll teach every other trafficker a lesson, won't it?)

Would we now, so readily encourage the hanging of this pitiful and pained girl, and so willingly give our anti-drug stand for all to read, and would we nod our heads, and praise the justice of this.

Would we congratulate and praise the country for its firm stance in the hanging of this girl, and would we just go right ahead and say Hang her.

Would we?

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