philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

I'll backtrack to the holidays, because today is a super free day, which I spent extremely productively hanging around holland village consoling myself over writing the World's Worst Economics Essay. (afternote: those are double alliterations!) I bought many many things to make me happy, which is not a good way to spend money, but oh well. Since the price mechanism is so spontaneous, it's time I was too.

I managed to catch Pop Rock Justice (Mosaic Music Festival!) on friday! And I heard Deb Fung! Her vocals were terrific. And her song choice was terrific. And some members of the audience were really spellbound. It was all cool. And I got free (drumroll please)

coffee stirrers and mosaic coasters! It made my day. (: Thanks adam for accompanying me at such late notice!

AND I met my dear Li Yan McCurdy, wen ting, and Cindy Chng! Happiness.
And then on sunday I had a fantastic durian party. I didn't know that 'tis the season to be jolly durianing, but the durian was good, says the durian-hater. I used to be disgusted by that murky tasting durian stuck to a shriveled seed, but not any more. Durian is the way to go.

I am addicted to almond Soya milk. I can drink 1 litre a day, and still crave. But it's just a phase, and all part of growing up. It used to be guava juice, then dried guava, then evian water, then lobster bisque. But I move on man.

The latest update is that I have a case of shin splints. And I pulled something, and so my thigh socket feels weird and out of alignment. I need to hobble, and even then it hurts just a little. And my finger, the one I crushed during netball practice, is swelling up again. I think I may actually be as accident-prone as smoot ;)

I have three concerts coming up.. Just thinking about them makes me tired already, and it's barely 7.30pm. Sleeping at 10pm is a good time. PT is tomorrow! Maybe if I wish the splints away, they will leave me alone..

On another note, I've realised how people seem to have very different perceptions of themselves, but the thing is, the world sees them in such a different light. So who are they really? Are you what the world thinks you are, or are you who YOU think you are. When you look in that mirror, do you see someone who is too busy trying to hide her flaws to realise that flaws can be part of the perfect combination of being you.

I mean, what hurts more? Self-doubt, or doubt from this wretched world. When the world turns her back on you, and you are left grasping at little offerings of happiness and sanity, do you start to build yourself up and move forward, or do you admit that the world's perceptions are by far more important then the objective truth in you.

It is not my intention to load my whole entry with some fuzzy duddy things bordering on painful philosophy. But there is really far too much doubt going around, and most of it is self-directed. I know, because I've felt it too, and the people around me seem to be feeling the full force of Doubt crashing upon them. And you really wonder, why do these people doubt, when they have such happy little lives. Are we not happy, in our own little ways?

Thing is, I could go on forever about how terrible it is to be living at this time and age. Given a choice, I would gladly choose a time and place where we don't live guided by the hands of the clock. There are clocks everywhere in school. Practical maybe, but why do we live our little lives by the hours, the minutes, the seconds.. Our lives are walking time bombs, and we're just ticking away.

And the WORSE thing is, we live these clueless lives cocooned in little cardboard classrooms or computer rooms, or bed rooms, and we forget that there is a world out there, with real people, with real tragedies like hurricanes and earthquakes. And not just that, we have the little things like China's female infanticide, we have girls barely 12 thrown down wells because they were stared at by the opposite gender.

is this fair.

You can always say, life wasn't meant to be fair. Or maybe, that fairness is after all subjective, and so are the practices of different cultures and societies.

Whatever.

Think about the lives lost just because the chosen chromosomes were XX. Think about the injustice, the pain and the torment. And, (what I think is infinitely worse) think about how they have never tasted freedom. Never known what it meant to be equal. In the eyes of society, in the eyes of the law, in the eyes of the men, in the eyes of the women. Rights of Woman.

Think about that, and then talk about the subjectivity in fairness, and whether there isn't blatant inequality, whether we should just sit back and watch, because after all, such terrible things aren't happening in sunny Singapore.

I don't say these things because I can't stand the male species. I do think that all those terrible bad guys should just go drown themselves, but that's besides the point. It isn't entirely their fault. We're all to blame. All of us women, who feel that we are in some ways inferior to males, and perhaps we are, But even if we are, we may unconsciously believe that our inferiority is in some way greater than the inferiority in men.

The Indonesia workers' treatment of women from today's geog presentation.. Pregnant women sacked for being pregnant. The absurdity in that is amazing.

Sure, being a profit-seeking firm, companies have to ensure that workers are able to consistently produce work and are not a hindrance to the company. And because of this, FOR THE GOOD of the company, and in the long run, the SOCIETY at large, we allow these gross grievances, and we accept them, because we are, after all, open-minded and fair-minded individuals.

Why do we allow these excuses to guide our reasoning, and why are we swayed by the GOOD of the firm, or society? Why is it so easy to accept that. Should the women then apologise for being pregnant, and for being such a burden to the economy's growth. ughh.

Oh no I didn't mean to rant. Ranting is bad. And I don't know where all that came from. (I think I do.) Maybe this little outlet in my brain sprung a leak, and these thoughts just poured out.
And maybe, they're here to stay..

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