philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

I've been reading my class's angst blog entries, and I've noticed a common thread throughout the way I think, and the way some of them seem to think.. But then again, it's just little ol' me talking, and you see, one heart beating can never summon an ocean's roar, and as much as you would like to believe the chaos theory, a butterfly flapping its wings in China will hardly create a typhoon in Florida. But never mind that.

I think, that we look for some semblence of perfection in this imperfect world. We try to make sense of it all, breaking it down to analyse it as only humans do, and then realise that we are, after all, imprefect beings.

And we get disappointed with ourselves, and with the people around us, because either they can't see the real us through the layers, or we don't even know who we really are, for all our multi-layered facades.

Ironic isn't it. Our disappointment lies with the fact that we feel, think, react, just as humans do. But I suppose that's what angst is all about. And that is what the human experience really is. Contradictions, paradoxes, ironies. That's life for you.

What will people say at your funeral. Will they shed crocodile tears at your passing, and who will be able to sum up the life you've led, in all its entity. Your tears, your triumphs, your pain, your love. How will your lifetime be viewed and described, and would you have mattered? Were you really valued...

The thing is, does it really matter? You're dead already, aren't you.

Perhaps that is a highly simplistic manner of looking at things, but really. You can't live your life hoping that the world will value you for who you are, or what you've been. If you do, you're basing this whole lifetime on society, on influences, on people.

You bring value to yourself. You love yourself, and what you can do, and what you can't. So I say, let others worry about your eulogy. Let them try to find some fantastical things we've done in our lives. We have enough to worry about, living this life as it is, as we as individuals would like it to be.

Don't live life for your eulogy. Live it for you.
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