philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

What if you could pick up the phone, and start dialing someone who you think could understand you now.

When you feel so strange, and when you know you're not yourself. You feel like you're drowning into this oblivious being, with no face, no name.

I don't understand the whys, the hows, and the whens. No, not any more.

Oh you are so confused.

Are you feeling that way now, I wonder. Confounded, hesitant, pained.

This air of confusion envelops you. But what is it you are confused about, you ask..

Is it life? Is that it?

Do you find that there are so many things you have to accomplish by the end of the day, and when you've done them, you really wonder if they were worth the time. The hours of your life, the seconds of your heartbeat.

What did you really do anyway.

Nothing?

But nothing's not an answer. I mean, there is always something, isn't there.

Okay then. So you did do something.

Then why the feeling of vacancy. Of aridity. Of bleakness.

Of a cold desert with a cavity. It is an abyss, and you are falling. Or are you flying?

You see, it's all about perspectives then. You can be falling, or you can be flying. Which is which, and why the confusion?


They tried to prove that you could do more than this. You could live more, you could take more living breaths, you could prolong life itself. Gulp it in. That is your life.

But what is life but an empty shell, deficiency apparent. Life as an empty shell is indeed the epitome of pained angst, you say.

And suddenly, the air around you stills. You can hear the chattering keyboard, and nothing else. And you wish it will all go away and leave you.

You hear the drone of the fan. It stirs the air.

The moment has disappeared. Maybe the moment was but a figment of your unrealistic hallucinations..

- - - - -

This is what painkillers do to you. They blur your world, because they blur your pain. It becomes obscure and meaningless, but yet nagging. The little orange pills can do that to your system. They leave you as the waking dreamer. They mute the pain. They mute the anger.

I should stop now. Headaches leave me with a voice speaking this language I don't really understand. Or can't.


i drink oat milk to heal. (:
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