22 July 2006
7:47 AM
I wish things were different. I wish she didn't have any illness. I wish she didn't have to delude herself about her own self- worth. I wish women could realise that
no matter what any man or anyone else does, a woman's worth
cannot be denied.
I just wish she knew that. I wish she didn't have to fight the urge to stop, to give it all up. Her family, her career, her music, her passions.
Anyway, after piano I spent the evening yesterday with some dudes from the a13a gang. Turns out recas had to prepare lt2 for a competition, and by 10pm the banners were raised and balloons blown. Was nice just sitting around pulling balloons for a while, and tying bows. Destress mechanism. The gang- peck rayner xy dc ong william gabriel martin.
Peck's mum was so nice to drop me off at starbucks so I could get a mocha frap. I needed the boost because I had grand plans for what I was going to do when I returned home.
Turned out I sat with my mum for close to 2 hours, and I started to spill all the tension that has gathered these past two weeks. The palpable tension from people, the confusion on my side, the question marks blocking all reason.
If you really love her, you've got to set her free. And then you learn to put things into perspective. You learn that
you can't please everyone. You learn that some people matter, and some you should just
let go of, because you know they don't care two hoots about you. It isn't their fault.
They know that.Now you just have to make sure
you know it isn't yours either. Makes sense?
When people try to bring you down, and you know it. Who's fault is it.
It could be yours. How can you be so despicable. Why do you garner such negative emotions. Self reflect.
Then you go back to the whole problem of changing yourself and
pretending so that people won't bother bringing you down. But
1. You can't please everyone.
2.
Where's the self-worth.You can try, but you can't take that away from me. So I see the picture clearer now, when the fog has lifted. And I hope with mum's guidance, with rene's understanding and my bro's patient angst-listening, with sumae and tanneh' advice, with the friends around who matter to me, and who I matter to, with above all, Him-
I hope I'll survive the crash, and survive the burn.And I'll learn.
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