philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

but it just ain't right.


Shall go play my violin for a while. (Yeah its going to 11pm soon. my neighbours will hate me) It may release me from an unwarranted negative feelings I may harbour. I should really just get over stuff and stop being. Really.

But it's hard to trust again. Not The Trust. Can it be stripped down to just that basic trust that doesn't need all those smarty definitions..

When you want to say that ignorance is bliss, yet what is feigned ignorance? For fools. When you want to say- let's go pass this and move along, yet you know you'll always be stuck with that feeling, when you felt so low you needed a hand..

And when you tried reaching it, it slipped away. No, it didn't slip away. Slipping away I understand. It pushed you aside. Just like that.

And you know that maybe some people don't care about you. They don't owe you any concern after all. I always thought people were friends by default. Amazing huh. A child's mind constructs some alternate universe to believe in, and when the child is shaken into growing up, we smile weakly at this naivete. But yet.

So it's trusting or not at all. And when you've forgiven, you realise you can't forget. And it makes you sad because that means you're so pathetically limited. I think it's the same as wanting to fly but realising you probably never really can. The "that's it. too bad. move on." Pity I've never really met anyone who can testify to actually achieving that level of freedom.

oh well. None of this matters anyhow. It's just nighttime talk. Habitually typing out things before I sleep so my dreams get moderated. lol. moderated. Hate that word.

Which reminds me. I think the coolest thing is that for my closest pals, their g_a doesn't matter, my g_a doesn't matter. And if no one gets what "g_a" is, that's even better cos it never really mattered in the first place.

Up to this day, I just knew tanneh's a week ago, I don't even know sumae's or dee's, and I only know chay's cos she told me during speech day. And naturally the people like marcus and anna who don't even care what anything is. It goes to show.
.
.
.

It shows nothing I'm just making these ridiculous theories up. And I wish I didn't spill soya milk on my skirt. Totally made my day.

And my E string just snapped in my face. What a wonderful world.

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