I'm going shopping again soon. (: And I've had a lot of time during shopping sprees to think about things. It's quite fun actually. Just walk and shop and recollect..


... ... this 'closure' we seek. I've had a few conversations with a few people these past weeks. Guys who can't get girls to like them, girls who can't get guys to stay in the relationship, and guys who can't get girls to leave them (what the) and it's pretty tiring when people keep thinking they can get their 'closure'. We do things for that emotional release, for that freedom to damn consequences and just gain that momentary peace of mind.

The saddest thing is that the consequences don't just affect you. They affect everyone else. Maybe even more so.

If relationships were all mistakes, then there's no need for love to exist. If everyone will be let down one day or the other, there will be no point cultivating our little memory garden with happy moments. What for look back when the smiles just augment the tears.
Why lift the candle to your darkness, when all it does is make darkness all the more apparent.

but it isn't about them anymore. Sure, we angst and cry and wail and sigh. But it never really was about us. It never really will be. If one is so brave to jump into anything, surely one can be brave to face consequences without making excuses. I think it's quite sad when someone dislikes a friend just cos he's 'changed'. I mean, deal. The only constancy in life cannot be found in the people. Maybe they don't change, but your realizations of their flaws do, as do theirs of you.

And the thing is, if you don't bother giving anyone the benefit of doubt, or keep loving them despite knowing they're imperfect, or accept their mistakes even though it's one of your major pet peeves, then we'll never really find anyone who we'll trust for always.

Which is why 'you've changed' is probably one of the gross understatements of the planet. Duh you've changed. Duh we all have. If we were all the same as yesterday what will really be the point in living today, if not for growing older, wiser, clearer..

I think we grow our friends. Which is probably why we need to choose them wisely from the very beginning. Because if you don't, then you're left with using that age-old excuse again. They haven't really 'changed' in that way, you just didn't really know them at all, from the beginning.

I don't think I choose friends. I think I'm blessed with those I have. Those I've lost aren't mistakes. Those I've chosen to forget about are important too. They made it clearer for me to see the thorns on the roses. Just so I won't get bloodied by thorns again.

And sometimes I cannot reconcile with certain things people do, or I can't understand they have this second character about them. It's not about double standards or being duplicitous or what have you. Its about the things people do, not how they do it, not why they do it. If I really knew the whys and the hows, I'd probably have to live a recluse all my life. And when they do things which is universally disagreeable, it makes it all the more difficult to give anyone the benefit of doubt, and just remain friends.

My mum says you don't have to like everyone, and furthermore, you don't have to be nice to those you don't like. Lately I'm finding that easier to see why.

People blame you for being mean if you aren't nice to everyone, or people think you're a phony for trying to be nice to those people you don't really like.
There's no two ways about it. There's no way out of it either.

So I say, forget it and just like everyone. Then you won't need to have any decision to make. Easier said than done, I realize.

But try I will, nonetheless. It is said that the things you detest most are those reflected in you. As scary as a thought that is, it may just be true.


That's it then. The sum of my good intentions are but the equation of my worst idiosyncrasies.

the irony.

Shopping here I come. taka first! (: