philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

It is Very Late Now. I don't even typer proper engrish animore.

And so...
top 10 facts complete rubbish about me,
as of now.

#1
i have cool friends i've collected throughout. someone told me life's a constant process of losing and gaining friends. i think its more a process of finding the gems among the rocks. it's all about wavelengths really. i've found ppl i can click with, and that's really great.

#2
i like to shop. yeah no duh. as in, really just go out into the big bad world and spend everything, then return home and get owned.
"you think i print money ah!" -.-
these days, however, i've decided to quit spending. ): turning over a new leaf!

#3
i don't dig second hand stuff. anything second hand, no thanks. even if free or pay me i dowan. unless its from a friend then that's a different story.

#4
i am in love with the calvin klein scent euphoria. like seriously. Smoot has it too, she obviously has good taste. someone buy for me and i will love you 4eva.

#5
i nag a lot. peck thinks i can be a professional nagger one day. i try my best.

#6
i have a dysfunctional family. my mum thinks plastic surgery may help me. never mind that any conventional loving mum will say
"beauty is only skin deep" or some other proverbial wisdom.
Never mind. Me looking like a hammerhead shark has nothing to do with anyone. Ah whatever.

#7
i like manicured nails. it's like some people need their pet cat or their handphone. same thing.

#8
i have only one pet peeve. one for each gender. i think its funny when people just go on and on about their pet peeves. the fav pet peeve is hypocrisy, so it seems. which is a little weird, because hypocrisy is everywhere. i doubt there isn't anyone who isn't, to some extent. that is just how society functions i guess. deal.

#9
i don't like to talk about my pet peeves because maybe it'll be obvious. i am aware how people read into things too much, and i don't want that.

this is just random rubbish after all. everyone shld do this sometime. it stops you from taking yourself too seriously. the funniest thing about growing up is when you get all psychoanalytical about your character and your life. maybe that's good, mayb it isn't. i will never know. steph thinks its self absorbed attitude. i think its just growing. (yeah growing more self absorbed)

#10
i like to ask people what they think. and when i do i really want to know. i'm not just making conversation. if i were just talking for the sake of conversation i wouldn't bother with what anyone would think, seriously. if i were to say that people should just lighten up and live and let live, that will be a gross understatement, but it will also be very apt to direct it at myself. if i don't lighten up soon and stop taking things/people/ideals so seriously, maybe i can be a happier person.


writing this at 1.14am in the morning is extremely liberating. it feels like just me and the silent lonely world.

in a way, that's probably how it always is. i probably have paranoia. that's what some people say at least. that's why i should probably aspire to be a psychatrist. i can treat myself. save money, so i can have guilt free shopping.

i've used up all my random rubbish about me. it really is completely stoopid and rubbishy. i amaze myself at times. thinking about it, i don't mind showing weakness.

i think when people know your weaknesses, it makes you stronger. but that's not why i don't mind. (why wld i want to be so strong anyhow)

i think if you're so deathly afraid of people knowing who you really are, you lose the people who could have loved the real you. you lose the "no matter what" in a friendship.

what's the point of keeping those who don't really get you, when you can find those who will. i wonder why people hide, why people slither about in their silent worlds. why people play pretend, augmenting everything, trying to live it up. in a way, i think most people can tell. or maybe we jsut all pretend we don't really know.

or worse still, maybe i just really don't know waht i'm talking about.

a year ago i would have said bring it on.
now- bring it somewhere else please.

it's not that i don't care, but maybe i don't care enough. i've probably realised that the heart is actually a finite object.you can't keep giving pieces of it away. people take and don't give them back. or worse, they laugh at what you give them.they poke at it and demand for more of your heart.

maybe that's a problem. i've given so many pieces away, i'll be left with nothing soon. and the thing is, i should keep something, to give to those who i find will truly matter in the end.

that's why number one on the list is the realisation of friends.

a cynic is not a realist.
a cynic is one who has decided she will not care because it ain't worth it.
a realist has decided that she cannot care, because not everything's worth it.

good night. people tend to talk more (nonsense) at night. or maybe it's just me.

_________________________________