philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

"Oh no. here comes that sun again.

And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away -

walk away. "

Those are the lyrics from teddy, from some song. Quite nice.

-

You know the feeling of wanting so badly to do something, yet not being able to. It's a cold clutch of frustration. It's the fisted self-anger. It's the angst.

And whatever its eventual destination, it is both stressful (hate that word)and painful for that moment. And I hate it.

I hate the feeling of ineptness, of being given wings, but not knowing how to fly.

And what can I do. I don't know how, what, why. And I won't give up. I can't either. I'm stuck in limbo. In this purgatory.

But it's alright. I'll survive this time. Just like I did then, just like I'll do once more.

Cos I want to believe that just this once, I can't disappoint again. And just because I've always believed it to be...

It will. Please?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -



Yilun was fanstastic in threesome. The girl didn't even tell me she was the lead when she was stressing out on thursday! Imagine my amazement when she emerged in brown as the wild one. And her acting was great. The anger, the hatred, the doubting. So subtle, it made my hair stand, literally. It was, well, powerful.

The words were impactful themselves, but the power came with the emotion tied to those words. And the stereotypes reminded me of the 7 deadly sins. We can't break free because we're too safe in our idiosyncrasies. Our constancy cannot be shaken; we will always be afraid, hungry for more, self-absorbed, dogmatic, afraid. And the fear isn't irrational. The fear constantly looks inward, self-conscious, insecure. We are afraid.

Who's to blame really.

But never mind that. It isn't worth anything.. Not anymore.



(:

After threesome was fun. Went holland village to soak in the nightlife, and I met my ex hairdresser travis in some bar. (Note: I was walking pass bars, not into them. in case my tattertale sister reads this) I don't go raffles city to get my hair treated any more, so we had a lot of catching up to do! Lucky I had treatment at holland v just before threesome, so my head was relatively lighter and I looked less like a drowned rat, so I didn't catch hell from him. (:

But I messaged mum to tell her I was getting drunk at some bar (note to sister again: we went coffee club to chat, not a bar), and not to expect me home yet. She messaged back and told me to have fun. I love my mum. :D She knows I wouldn't, and I know I wouldn't. So there's trust. (: And that's most important for any relationship. That, and love. (: Generic.

-

And I finally have dance night pictures lol..
I shall dump a few here, just cos they make me happy.


suzie esther



another daizu shot!


yay.

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