philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

Thanks to a few people, my day didn't just crash into an explosion of frustration.

Must really give thanks for small blessings, even though every other day seems worse than the day before. Hmm.





smoot&tanneh shared their chocs with me. It is happyness really. (:





yay for my band boyle tania sara hyqel! Don't know what I'll do without them. Even Mr Lee thinks I should have more confidence in myself -.- That is exactly what laoshi told me on wednesday. But seriously, after setbacks and stuff, sometimes the only way to protect yourself is not to expect too much. Disappointing to mr b through. I don't have aspirations, nor ambition.








I'm too tired for those anyway.








much love to vernus who literally shoved me out of my gloom attack. Don't know what I'll do without this girl (:











jerr- you know what.. I know exactly how you feel. Don't worry, we know why we do the things we do. And that's enough..














suzie! Alright we have our grand plans now ok! set.











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I don't understand why friends just cannot be happy for their friends when they get higher grades. It's not very difficult you know. I'm not talking about myself or anyone I'm just saying that if even friends engage in such deadly competition against each other, I don't see how much that friendship is really worth.














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Got a rude shock today, during geog. I've never seen the like before. My heart almost couldn't take the ______. Got owned when I went home. But oh well.











Someone told me something very true. I mean, what did I expect seriously. Not studying, heckcarism. Seriously. I should be glad I didn't fail.











Whatever lah. (if my mum read this she'll strangle me)


I'm too tired already. I've come to a certain point where anyone can throw anything at me. I could throw back, I could dodge. But too tired now.














Mock 2.4 today. 14.5min





-______- It was a little frustrating to realise that I could have dashed my last 100m instead of just that 50m. And its quite stupid not to know my limits. I have been doing napfa for a good half of my life and I don't even know how to pace myself properly. :x








It's quite frustrating. Very frustrating. I don't compete with anyone it's just a personal best thing. And I'm falling short by 50secs for A and it's quite irritating cos syf requires stamina. Laoshi may not be pleased.











But more than anything, it isn't about the run per se it's about everything that doesn't seem to be up to scratch, always missing that 100% mark. Always not completed, half finished, always half-baked excuses made up.








Sometimes I wonder- who am I to be tired. There are real people working 17 hours doing hard labour and I don't think they angst and complain and whine so much and I should be keep quiet and stuff it out cos I have nothing to complain and nothing I didn't bargain for. No one forced me to do anything and I brought this upon myself and maybe I just wanted too much and I can't manage stuff.








But why do I feel like I just need time to start adjusting to this merry -go -round.








If this is coping I hope I'm doing an okay job. If not, then it just means I don't cope.














Too bad I guess.






Maybe it's just all about perspective.



I think it is anyhow.