philos
liberté
princeps
memoria

Thought I'd get this over and done with.. Especially with laoshi gone now, and this being the last day of May. My May 2007. Now that the dust has more or less settled, I thought it time to face up to the end of dance in rj- the tumultous journey that never seemed to end.. And it has.



-
dance is not recreational. it is one of the purest expressions of life, of living. Of being.
all that we fought for. the spaces we grew in. the farsight nearsight foresight hindsight of it all. The knowing silence, hushed anticipation, standing backstage at the wings, knowing we can do this, if we fight for it.










SYF Gold with Honours..



Dance Night.. what can I say. I've never danced anything the way I did my saturday's J2 dance. The amount of effort, energy, of PTs every saturday... all the planks and runs and conditioning.. all for one dance. foolishness isn't it.. We do all that so that we can do the best we can do. I wouldn't have it any other way actually.



Just before the dance, little superhero girl was playing.. and ms. tan (standing backstage) gave us hugs each, and we just stood there soaking, soaking it in. The memory caged in the moment, little superhero girls trying to grasp some sort of control in our lives, because we've put it all on hold since, the start of the year? that was the very moment of realisation (realising what I don't know..), one of the purest instance of living the moment.






we placed our hearts out there, on that stage. it wasn't for the audience, it wasn't for the people we loved sitting there, it wasn't even for all the practices and bruises and what nots.

it was for ourselves, for each other, pure and simple. i never felt that way before. Without nervousness, without the frantic beatings, just contentment.







When I wrote the synopsis for the programme booklet for our dance, I thought it was super cheesy and I was pretty embarrassed about the start. I kept thinking I should have written a better one, that I would once inspiration struck me.. I felt it was horribly vague, "err what is this?!" type of vague.



but then, someone told me that was what encapsulated our dance best. What is a dream but thoughts not of a waking hour, vague flashes dissolving into vast blackness..




to soar, to dare
we live the dream.


and for those minutes on stage, we did.











Picturesfor saturday night finally up (:
















now for the thank yous.



to vernuslou- you're my rock! you literally pushed me out of those stoning periods of extreme tiredness and pure sianness, and you listened to me and you helped me through it and you showed me that the forced competition wouldn't hurt what we have, and that we've got to try our best no matter what. what can i say. it's over!







to ivy- all those late late times sitting out waiting for your mum. it was just us and the dark shadows of block b. We would reassess, grumble a little, stretch out muscles, eat apples... and watch as our lives went by (haha). It was one of the best things in chinese dance 2007. (:








to my dancers jerr, zhixu, pammie, suzie- (: hahaha.. I think I'll remember all the rumours about soccer boys and chinese dancers for a long time ;) and thank you for putting up with my nonsense and constant curtain watching. I tell you, looking at green really IS therapeutic.. I will miss the "CHERMAINEEE"s...

a lot.







to sumae- you've been there to listen to my crapping and my sadness and stress and worry and grumbles and you stuck by me and let me whine about everything. I don't know how you could stand me when I couldn't even stand myself. But thank you. It was the toughest but most fulfilling part of JC life.



And I made it okay. (:







to martin- It's over! thank you for understanding, for empathizing, for being around to tell me weird jokes and laugh at me (not funny.) Thank you for placing it all in context, in their proper places. It meant a lot to us, so now we can finally let it go. You did it! (:



to my classmates- NO MORE WHININGS TO YOU GUYS ANYMORE! no more "yeahhhh i have cca todayyyy" or "oh mann i wish i could go toooo" (: (: I am as free as a lark chained to the tree, oh happy happy is me. (mr p will be impressed! i even used repetition for effect!) thank you for telling me to hang on, just a little while more, 'you can do this'...








look, i made it through the madness! (:





Thank you God. I've never grown up so much so fast. I've never had so much joy, not in such a long time since...





























And so it is. Just like I knew it would be.