27 August 2007
1:38 PM
=P
i sit here pleased as punch with my grape vitagen(less sugar) and wait for tiredness to creep up so I can sleep. Or else I'll have to do droughts essay and listen to john mayer angst about love songs for no one.
and all I really
really want to do is borrow those new books from the school lib- women in victorian fiction, a woman's place, feminism in the 19th century, - or just some random D H Lawrence angst and drop dead on my bed happy. I want to run to like, I dunno m'sia and spend all my money and be alone, but happy.
there were horses, or huge beasts in my head. and they pulled everything from my hands, and I grabbed and yanked so hard but I couldn't stop them and it kept on and on until there was nothing left. Until there is nothing left. And I know that it's just pessimism but they let me down so often (or I let them) and I'm so sick of it. I know I said I want more school, but maybe not. maybe not. I just want to go some place where people actually trust each other, and breathe in this faith like its pure oxygen and not the poison it is now. there is no such thing, so little by little i will let go. or all at once. My decision, my call. I'd like to think the best of this. Pure tiredness. but anywhere but here. anywhere but here. I know there is no such thing but that's my epiphany.
back to step one.
but its too late
so forget it.
