08 December 2007
12:21 PM
it's weird
but how do you unfriend a friend
how do you go from being pals in everythingto having nothing in common, no thread of thought similar between you two that you can spurn into a web of conversation to fill up the noisy silence otherwise.
its strange
how did we go from having the best fun in the world and the most flippant assumptions of Friends Forever
to a somewhat belated realisation that things Do Not Last.
it is almost unfair
to have come so far and have only pictures to show for it. to have laughed so much
and have only bits of notes and smses left to remind you that you had a friend like that once.
but how can that negate a friendship that was real and strong and true
that we
planned on standing the test of time
we never said
friends forever, but it was in everything we
did and said
it was implied in the little things we did for each other, in gossips and in the laughter
and somehow i've always believed that to be worth saving. the Ideal of friendship.
it being an ideal does not make it any less true.
we weren't close.
by close, i didn't spend more than 10 hours a day with you. i didn't share recess or after-schools or random thoughts i had in the day with you.
but close to me means a whole lot more
it means loyalty
it means knowing this person's got your back, and that you both will never degenerate into petty bitchy gossip about each other
loyalty means believing above all that what is said between us stays between us
it means stealing photos for each other
it means updating each other about latest sightings and happenings
it means trusting each other and knowing inwardly that we will always give each other the benefit of doubt
it means opening both eyes to irritating idiosyncracies and accepting them
it means spilling all and not having to say "but don't tell anyone" because you won't. because you know i won't.
in marriage they call this "irreconcilable differences",
when two people just can't get along and give it all up and heck the memories because the realist / cynic in them say memories are gone and past and it doesn't matter anymore and photos will serve the purpose anyhow
but it does matter.
it matters because friends are important, they keep us from being truly alone, from feeling lonely
they keep us from regretting.
This is a cowardly thing to do.
To write stuff and address them to no one - the generic you and I and We and Them. But at this moment, feeling sporific and sickly (my temperature stands at 39.6 lol), it's all I can afford..
But I will say one more thing.
This shouldn't go down without trying.
because it's not over, we just haven't tried enough.
-
I'm off for a 4-day holiday, hopefully to gain some Perspective and come back happier and more free. Please let it be nice and cool..
Be back sooner than later (:
