17 July 2008
12:10 AM
Note of Nothing
I know it's probably your middle-of-the-night angst, or an overspilling of emotions, or you just feel like arguing. But I won't deny that it really stings. The snideness, general rudeness of your speech, your tone. Maybe I'm tired too, maybe Medea's got my hung up high, completely uptight and edgy and emotionally unstable.
Still.
To be honest, I am trying my best. I'm trying to be there for you, to give you some good advice, to be there when I know I can't be in 2 months' time. But it's tough ok? I'm trying to be the I've never been, so I'm sorry if I still haven't matched up with expectations.
I didn't ask to be given a break, so I'm just going to take a Time Out from all this. From the general meanness of everyone else to your more particular, more acerbic meanness.
That's where it finally gets me. In my tellings to a friend, to you, I gave you a weapon to use against me, if you wanted to. (Like Grenville's The Idea of Perfection.) And then I always end up regretting, not because I have something to regret, but because I've opened up the possibility of,
The can of worms, so to speak, has a ripened potential. Already I see them squirm.
