On the ride there, I met one of the most influential cab drivers in the history of my cab rides. He taught me korean-chinese praise songs, reminded me of the most powerful 3 words: JESUS LOVES YOU, and all in chinese. So I guess that just eclipsed most of the memories of OBS with the scholars, because such ardent conviction and belief really gave me the boost I needed, after such a stagnant period of spiritual growth, and silence on my end.
Anyhow, the expeditions are worthy of remembrance.
MOMENTS
Most memorable:
Sea expedition; Without a doubt, rowing into a storm on our triyak, against the choppy seas, with wind rain dead ahead of us. There is something overwhelming about heading straight for the storm clouds, the fog and the winds. I don't think I'll ever get to experience something like that in this lifetime, so I was thankful for that chance to stare straight into the growing storm, and row forward.
“With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm”, took on an immediate viscerally poignant meaning.
Most insane:
Raja, my watch. The craziest bunch of people around, and good friends now. We started off with so much confidence in our communicative skills, yet we were the biggest losers for the first comp. Then when it came to our land expedition, we just majorly owned even though we were just trying to get it over and done with. Walking around with a load heavier than army stuff was really tiring, but apparently still not as taxing as the real route marches, with their helmets and rifles and what not.
Singing army songs in the triyak was a bonus.
Most reflective:
Sharing session on the last day. It took some getting used to, and it was obvious many of us were rusty with sharing our future goals, but when we all did, it was a moment of true revelation, not because there was anything profound, but because it was clear that the thing became tangible once articulated, it was given life.
And there was trust between us; the 'don’t sneer, let me tell you my dreams' kind of trust.
Most powerful:
The last night on campsite, looking at gleaming satellites, smelling salt and breathing sea breeze. Watching the stray dog leap against the waves that lapped the steep shores.
I told myself then to remember that feeling of aloneness, to capture that moment of voluntary solitude, to step away from the cacophonous voices, and try to find some “perspective” in my being there.
I thought about being free. Like D.H. Lawrence wrote, to be free, in a free place. It’s not really a locality, but a “perfected relation” between you and me – so that we are free together.
I was free then, but there was no relation, only solo.
So after everything, I wouldn’t say I’ve changed much since all the Ministry programmes started piling up. But I would say I’m fatigued, and because of that, I get to be more honest with myself.
Sometimes I felt as lost as we were in the swampy mangroves. Sometimes I felt as emotionally distant as the stagnancy of those waters. In that “beautiful appalling land”.
As I write, I am aware that my memory has made much of little. But this is the way I do things, my way of “collecting the world in small handfuls”, one grasp at a time.
It was an experience, and right now, bursting from goodwood park's dessert with their good company, I feel peace.
